You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize