Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
