Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
