Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
