I wannas sexs uuuuu
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize