The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
