last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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