I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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