well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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