really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
