All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
