He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
