well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
