Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I looked at my own cervix.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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