just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
