bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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