You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
