my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
