There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
