Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
