dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's always time for handjobs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
