all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
