from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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