Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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