I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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