In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
