Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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