I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
