I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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