So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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