The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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