He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
