yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
