I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
