my vag is so smooth its legendary
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
