I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
