i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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