Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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