he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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