One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
