i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
