Michael Bay diarrhea
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
