the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
