dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
