You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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