I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
