I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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