Dual....:-)
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
