Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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