If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
