i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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