i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
