Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize