Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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