I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
