if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
