I smell stomach acid.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
