Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
