Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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