Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
