I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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