one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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