I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
