everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
