I must be too annoying 4 u.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
