just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
