i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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