the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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