normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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