hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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