I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
