ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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