Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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