So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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