Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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