She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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