i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
