My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
