Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
