I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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