Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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