I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
