I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
