yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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