I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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