my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
