I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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