So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
