I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
