He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
