I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize