There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
