once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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