um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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