I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
