Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't think brook has ever known best
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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