I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
