he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do vagina's smell?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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