I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
