My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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