Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
