Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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