I must be too annoying 4 u.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize