got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
