I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
