and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
